Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
