i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
