you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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