Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
two words: eviction party
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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