I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
