apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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