It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
