Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
