Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wish I only lived at night.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
