when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
