You can't special order awesome
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
