Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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