Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
