Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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