My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
