OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
did i walk over a car last night?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
