Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize