My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
