You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
