I'm jealous of your bromance
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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