If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
