I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
