Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
