he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize