your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
