You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize