Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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