Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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