look no pants
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Houston, we have a blender
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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