Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
