Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
