4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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