So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
