just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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