You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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