I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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