you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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