No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
