Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
