you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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