Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
