Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
