If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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