I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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