wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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