Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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