She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
