then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
