When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
