Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
