you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
