she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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