I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
