How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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