dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
