i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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