I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
