You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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