you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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