Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
