oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
