woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
