How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
