Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
