She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
