They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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