I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
