uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
