I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize