I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
