Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's rum buckets o'clock
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
