i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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