i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
