There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
