Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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