I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We're using joints as your birthday candles
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
