Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
