yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
