it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
