my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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