i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
this is an emotional support booty call
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
