You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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