Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
