i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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