That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
