i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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