oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
