Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
