Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
