your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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