Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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